USS Wyoming (BB - 32)

USS Dickerson (DD - 157)

USS Arkansas (BB - 33)

         After gracing this earth for ninety-five years, Mary Modica Coniglio passed away on July 26th, 2010.  She left a family saddened by their loss, but happy for the full and meaningful life that she lived.

Eulogies for Mary Modica Coniglio

            At age 89, Mary insisted that her infirm husband Guy be returned from a nursing facility to their home, where she then took care of him until his death 3 years ago.  She made sure that Guy would pass away at home, as he wished.
            Prior to his release from the nursing home, Mary visited him EVERY day for 6 weeks, ~ at a time when she was having extreme difficulty with her own mobility.
            Her family came before all else in her life.
            She treated everyone with respect.  
            Her “in-law” children were treated as her own.Whenever anyone would visit, she was always certain to have food and drink available, even after being assured that it wasn’t necessary.
            She always had her Rosary with her.
            Mary took special delight in seeing her Great-Grandchildren, and always had something for them when they arrived at her house.

          How does one begin to describe the life of someone who has been so truly inspirational to all who knew her?
          Mary was a woman of tremendous internal and external beauty, comprised of her warm and loving personality, her generous heart, and her spirit of empathy.  Mary was the most dedicated wife, mother, and grandmother that any of us will ever meet.  She showed us all what it was to be a strong woman, when she visited Guy daily at the nursing home, insisted that he be returned to their home,  and then cared for him, for two years before he passed away.  She did all she could to make his wishes a reality.  
           When asked the secret of a successful marriage, Mary said that it was important to overlook others' flaws and to always be kind to each other.  She always practiced what she preached.
           Mary was as resilient as they come.  Having lost her mother at a very young age, she found comfort in the love of her family and cherished the time she spent with each and every member.  As she and Guy built their family, it didn’t matter who the family member was (in-law or not) - she was always sure to treat him or her with the utmost respect and genuine, unconditional love.  There was nothing more important to her than her family.  As matriarch of her large family, she was a natural empathizer.  She always knew what her loved one was feeling and even knew how to make him or her feel better with little or no words. She was a natural healer.
           As a mother, Mary dedicated a great deal of her life to raising her children. She taught them how to be organized and efficient, to keep everything in its place, to work hard, to serve others, and to stand up and speak up for what’s right.  Even on her very last day at home, Grandma taught by example what it means to keep an impeccable home that is filled with love - a home where the door is always open for friends and family to feel comfortable and welcome.
           Grandma was a lifelong learner.  She was continuously adding to her knowledge by reading, watching educational programs, and talking to people. She was very intelligent and valued education, whether it was her own or that of her family.  She was an expert at crocheting, and had a superior knack for paying attention to detail, evident in the beautiful afghans she made for her family and friends - even this past year at the age of 95.  We’re so grateful to have these remembrances of her in our homes.
           Of course, Grandma was also a superior baker and cook.  She added love to all of the food she prepared.  She was always more than happy to share her secrets and her recipes with her family and friends, but was tremendously modest when it came to accepting compliments about her achievements.  Whenever anyone came to visit, Mary always had that particular person's favorite food on hand.  She delighted in giving her grandchildren and great-grandchildren two of any snack or treat that she had prepared.  She would always say, "here's one for each hand..."
          Speaking of children, Grandma loved them and had a special way with them.  She truly made each grandchild feel as if he or she were her only one,  ~ always recalling details of their lives and lending a listening ear, and a cup of tea when needed.  Each and every time she visited with one of her great- grandchildren, she had a little gift on hand for them, and took great care to never leave anyone out.  
           When it came to babies, Grandma was sometimes downright giddy.  She actually hooted and hollered when she learned of her granddaughter Karen's first pregnancy!
           Grandma enjoyed traveling and often spoke of Santa Fe, New Mexico as one of the most beautiful places on earth. We’re happy to know that she and Grandpa can now visit places like these whenever they like - without any limitations.
            Grandma took care of all of us for all of these years with every part of her being.  Her smile has healed us.  Her kind words have cheered us.  Her witty jokes have left us in stitches.  Her selfless acts have inspired us.  Her meals have nourished us - both body and soul.  Her love will remain with us forever.  Let’s never forget how truly blessed we’ve been, to have had her with us so intimately for all of these years.

                                                 
          As her brother-in-law, I hope I can express how special Mary was to her own siblings and to us “in-laws”: my brother Guy’s siblings, and to her nieces and nephews.  
          I'm the ”baby” of my family, and all my siblings and their spouses spoiled me, all my life, and never refused me anything I asked.  Because of the large difference in age between us, my brothers and sisters were almost like multiple parents to me.
          Guy and Mary were not only my brother and my sister-in-law, they were my godparents, and they treated me in a special way.  Even when they were in their mid-eighties, and I was a grey-haired retiree, no Christmas passed without a gift from them.  I never heard a harsh word, or even a faintly vulgar one, from Mary, and even when times were especially rough, her only complaint would be “What a world”. 
          But oh, “what a world” Mary made for her family.  She continually gave the gift of her shy, sweet smile, and her quick wit.  And she also gave me three nephews, three nieces, five great-nieces, and six great-nephews.   And I hope to be counting the great-great nephews and nieces for years to come, as they continue to be added to this wonderful family.  The oldest of her sons, Guy and Ronnie, were more like my brothers than nephews.  Her youngest, Brian, is like my son.
          The word “sister-in-law” can’t possibly describe what Mary was to me.  In Italian, there’s a word for her.  It’s “brava”.
           Brava. There’s no real translation, but if you knew Mary, you know what it means.   Beautiful. Good. Strong.  Intelligent.  Brave.  
           She was my sister, she was my mother, she was my friend.  She represents the words “La famiglia e tutta” ~ “Family is everything”.  God bless her.

~ Godson and brother-in-law Ange Coniglio ~

Thursdays with Mom and Dad

An essay by Carole Coniglio

After more than one friend has asked me on more than one occasion since my Mom passed July 26, 2010 and my Dad passed  June 23, 2006, “Tell me, how are you spending your Thursdays now?”,  I decided to write this in tribute to my parents. 

Mom and Dad maintained their independence and remained at home until their passing, with Dad still driving his car into his late eighties.  They were 85 and 86 when they took their last trip to Cape Cod, a favorite vacation spot.  They would have been married 71 years June 29, 2006.  As my father once told me he was a one woman man. 

Though they both had minor health problems, atrial fibrillation and hypertension, the last 30 or so years of their lives were comparatively healthy.  That is until Dad tripped on the hall carpet runner and broke his left humerus bone in late November 2002.  After a short hospital stay Dad was transferred to a local nursing home for Rehab.  Each day of his stay in the hospital and nursing home, Mom was with him transported by either one of my siblings or myself.    We often shared meals with him and on Thanksgiving I brought a complete dinner so Dad could feel more at home.  During this stay Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s  Disease.  Despite this diagnosis Mom was determined to have her husband home with her and after minor changes to their ranch style home including removal of all loose carpets,  installation of  handrails in the hall and grab bars in the bathroom, Dad was home on Christmas Eve 2002. 

What joy we all experienced to have him home!  At first he seemed confused and since he was now receiving medication for Alzheimer’s , we researched and found a doctor who made house calls for elderly patients who had mobility difficulties.  As siblings my brothers and sisters and I developed a plan to spend time with my parents so they weren’t alone for long periods of time and we could provide meals and support for them.  My sister, Rosemary, spent Fridays and Sundays, my brother, Ron spent Mondays and Tuesdays, my brother Guy spent most Wednesdays with them, I spent Thursdays with them, my sister Joan spent Saturdays, and Brian, my brother who lives in Ohio, came for 2-3 days every couple of months. 

Hence, for me it became Thursdays with Mom and Dad.  Thursdays were also accompanied by other days of the week I visited, such as birthdays, Easter, Mother’s and Father’s day, Christmas, days when aunts and uncles visited and when Mom wanted extra help.  I was also present for all days the doctor visited.  My father was stable and Dr. Steinberg often noted the stability and love my father experienced being at home. 

But Thursdays I will always remember fondly.  When Dad was still with us I would usually arrive late morning or lunch time.  I would either bring chicken from a favorite local restaurant, hamburgers or a meal I would bring from home.  Often on earlier days, Mom would want to rest and I would make eggs and toast for Dad.  After eating we would sit in the TV room and Dad would watch Family Feud or the Arts channel.  He seemed to enjoy watching and listening to all forms of dance or music.  He would nap and wake to have a snack of cheese curls or cantaloupe.  As difficult as the Alzheimer’s was, Dad did know me and acknowledge my presence.  In the beginning he would look at me as if he didn’t know me especially when I said “Hi Dad”.  He seemed to be thinking “How could this middle aged woman be my daughter?”  But I would always greet him with a smile and kiss and say “Hi, Dad how areyou?”   When I left in the afternoon, I would always kiss him on the cheek or forehead and say “Bye Dad, I’ll see you in a couple of days.  I love you.”  He would kiss me back and look at me and say “I love you too.” 

Then the inevitable day came when Dad wasn’t feeling well.  It was Father’s day, June 19, 2006, he felt a chill, was coughing and didn’t want to eat or get out of bed.  After a difficult week, Dad passed at home.  I received a call just after midnight and raced to their home.  He was gone.  Needless to say Mom was very distraught calling to him and weeping.  The funeral director was at the home and needed to remove him.  I put my arms around her and walked her into the extra bedroom, sat next to her and cradled her in my arms.  I let her cry and through my tears I sang every choir song I could think of that I thought would comfort her.  From Amazing Grace to How Great Thou Art to Total Praise.  My sisters and brothers who were in the other room told me I sounded like an angel.  The funeral followed and was very difficult for Mom.   We surrounded her with love to see her through.  She was understandably very depressed but always found joy in her children and grandchildren.

Thursdays continued with Mom and me.  Each week I tried to bring lunch that would please her. Mom through her grief and pain remained stoic and didn’t often show emotion always smiling and happy to see me.

Two-thousand six was a difficult year.  After losing Dad in June, I moved to Kenmore in July and on September 2nd was in a car accident.  I had some major pain and health problems as a result.   For the most part I tried not to miss many of my Thursdays with Mom but inevitably I did miss a few.  

Back into a routine of Thursdays with Mom bringing lunch, enjoying her company, watching her favorite shows, and sipping tea .  The days Mom enjoyed the most were when my nieces or nephews would bring their children to see their great Grandma.  Mom enjoyed them all Helen, Julia, Alyssa, Lianna, Hope, Hanna, Nicholas, Richie and the youngest, Eala.  Her face would light up, of course she would have to hold the young ones and not a special event went by when Mom wouldn’t have a gift for each of them. 

The last six months to a year before her passing Mom changed in subtle ways.  She became anxious, sleeping less and more reluctant to go out even to the doctor.  The doctor prescribed anti-anxiety medicine for her and encouraged her to have blood work and keep her appointments but Mom would inevitably have a reason not to comply, she was too tired, it was too cold or too hot etc. 

In retrospect I think Mom’s desire was to let go.  She missed Dad desperately, didn’t see much in her existence as it was and each day became more difficult for her.  Her fears were to go to the doctor would be exposing herself to areas she didn’t want to go through.  Though she loved us she also sensed the hardship placed on each one of us and the sorrow we experienced at our frustration and the inability to help her more.    The last week of her life was very difficult for her and for us.  I miss her desperately, miss her smile, miss her listening, miss her talking and laughing and miss spending Thursdays with her.  Now I smile when I walk  by one of the many photos  of her and Dad I have displayed, or I thank her when I see a dish she gave to me, or remember something she might have said to me or warm myself when I wrap up in an afghan she made.  I cherish the stones Dad gave me especially the heart shaped ones and love looking at the many greeting cards he sent Mom over the years which so reflects the love he had for her.  Mom and Dad live in my heart and always will.  Thursdays I spend in various ways now, sometimes with friends and sometimes home with my memories.

I love you Mom and Dad.

Carole

Kimberly's birthday ~ 29 October, 2011

1  December, 2011

Marilyn, Kimberly and Mike with Gia Lauren

Gia Lauren